- *Peaceful Nighttime Music*
David: Ah... another wonderful day at Camp Campbell.
David: All that's left to do now is recharge with a full eight hours of lying in bed...
David: Awake! Waiting for tomorrow!
Max: Alright, guys, our first attempt to bust out of this god-forsaken hellhole didn't work.
Max: But tonight's gonna be different.
Max: Because we have a secret weapon...
Max: Billy Nikssilp.
Billy: Call me "Snake."
Max: He's ex-wood scouts. And he's one of the best.
Max: Isn't that right, Billy?
Billy: Got my search-and rescue badge in two weeks...
Billy: Got my wilderness survival in one.
Nikki: That's amazing!
Max: I never had a choice.
Max: The Woodscouts are some of the most intense, militant campers on Lake Lilac.
Max: Billy here escaped.
Neil: ...And why is he helping us?
Billy: I'm not doing this for YOU.
Billy: I made a vow.
Neil: ...Well, o-kay, let's get in the boat!
Neil: So... what're you gonna do on the outside?
Nikki: Probably live with the animals.
- Try and get raised by wolves, maybe work my way up to alpha. Pee on stuff.
Nikki: What about you guys?
Neil: I think I'll go to my dad's house and tell him that mom sent me to an abusive summer camp.
- Pretend to like him more so she'll try to buy back my love.
Nikki: That's really dark, Neil.
Nikki: How 'bout you, Max?
Max: Where are you taking us?
- *Suspenseful noise.*
Neil: JESUS CHRIST!
Nikki: YO! WHAT GIVES?!
Billy: NO GIRLS ALLOWED!
Max: Neil, quick! Grab his-!
- Aw, shit.
Max: You never left them, did you Billy?!
Billy: I made a vow... to show others the glory of the Woodscouts.
- And I told you...
- TO CALL ME SNAKE.
- There's a place I know that's tucked away,
- A place where you and I can stay,
- Where we can go to laugh and play,
- And have adventures every day!
- I know it sound hard to believe, but guys and gals, it's true!
- Camp Cambell is the place for me and you!
- We'll swim through lakes and climb up trees,
- Catch fish, bugs, bears and honeybees,
- There's endless possibilities,
- AND NO, THAT'S NOT HYPERBOLE!
- Our motto's "Campe Diem," and that means I'm telling Youuuuuuuuuuu.....
- We've got:
- Archery, Hiking, Search-and-Rescue, Biking, Horseback-riding, Training that will save you from a heart-attack, Scuba-diving, Miming,
- Football, Limbo, Science, Stunting, Pre-calc, Spaceships, Treasure Hunting, Bomb defusal, No refusal, Fantasy, Circus Trapeze, and Fights and Ghosts and Paints and Snakes and Knives and Chess and Dance and Weights!
- It's Camp Camp!
- >Wake up!<
- Aah! Ah! H-wa?
- What am I wearing?
- Where are we?
- Where happiness goes to DIE.
- >Oh. My. God.<
- Is that... Nikkaaaaah?
- Heh, hey... guys...
- You know them?
- Ew, who is thaat?
- Tabbii, Erin, pleeze.
- A Flower Scout always welcomes others with daintyness and respaact.
- ...Flower scouts?
- *Angelic Chorus*
- Nikki? YOU were a Flower Scout?
- Ugh, yeah...
- ...But they were totally boring, so I bailed.
- It's sooo good to see you again, Nikki.
- And, um...?
- YES! It's uh... spelled REALLY DUMB, it's French.
- I'm Tabbii, with two "i's!"
- Well, come on, Neeancy! Our morning activities are staarting!
- ...You can come too, Nikki.
- Man, we really lucked out.
- Hey... you think Max is okay?
- Why do yoU KEEP HITTING ME?!
- AND WHY IS IT ONLY CLOUDY OVER YOUR SIDE OF THE LAKE?!
- That's enough, Petrol.
- Don't want to over-tenderize the new meat.
- Who the hell are you?
- Cedar Scout, First Class, Edward Pikeman.
- Senior Patrol Leader of Woodscout Troop 818.
- And it looks like you're our latest recruit.
- God, your face is gross.
- Oh, sorry, that just slipped out...
- Sorry... I know...
- That was mean.
- It really was...
- It's just... you were so close...
- Enrollment into our organization has reached and all-time low.
- So we have no choice but to forcibly recruit new members into our program.
- I mean, have you considered that enrollment is low because you guys do things like kidnap other campers?
- Oh, we don't kidnap campers...
- That'd be immoral.
Max: That guy LITERALLY stabbed me in the back.
- No... he RESCUED you.
- After you ran away from Camp Campbell.
- And now... we're going to make a Woodscout out of you...
- >Prepare the ropes course!<
- *Montage music*
- *Sparkle-sparkle noise*
- Consider yourself an honorary Flower Scout, Neeancy!
- Wow, Sasha, thanks!
- This place is amazing!
- Air conditioning, indoor plumbing, free wi-fi!
- The badge is actually a hotspot.
- I mean, what did you think this place was like?
- A girl can't be expected to rough it in the cruel outdoors!
- A-men, sister!
- >Hey guys, check it out!<
- I named him Timothy!
- Nikki, that's incredible!
- Nikki, gross!
- It probbly has woorms!
- What is wrong with you?
- ...But he brought gifts....
- *Wet smack.*
- Neeancy, get away from her!
- What? Why?
- Can't you see-ah?
- She's nahht normaaal.
- Neeancy, I know you're new, but you have to see that Nikki's just not Flower Scout material.
- It's why we ran her out in the first place.
- You RAN her out?
- Of course!
- It was for her own good! She's just so... unladylike.
- She likes bugs.
- And fighting
- And exercising for reasons other than sculpting the perfect body image.
- It's like if a boy came in here and tried to do what we do.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
- The hell's that supposed to mean?
- Uh, hell-ooo?
- Neeancy, boys are supposed to be tough.
- ...And ruggeehd.
- ...And if they pee in you, you get pregnant!
- ...My sister told me...
- Look, Neeancy, that's just how the world works.
- Now, do you want to be socially outcast?
- Or do you want to go get ice cream?
- Ya'll are some ignorant fucking cunts.
- ...And the name's Neil!
- Let's get out of here, Nikki.
- Also! I'm keeping the wi-fi!
- TIMOTHY AWAY!
- *Victory Squawk*
- ...He can pee in me anytime.
- TABBII SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?
- Thanks for sticking up for me, Neil.
- Yeah, well, Paradise isn't Paradise without your friends.
- That was super gay.
- We JUST learned a lesson about stereotyping!
- Oh, right. Sorry.
- ...You think Max learned any valuable lessons on his adventure?
- You know, maybe I don't hate Camp Campbell.
- Maybe I hate EVERYTHING.