|“||After deciding Quartermaster deserves a day of appreciation, David reunites him with his quarter-sister, a distant relative who is not happy to see him.||”|
The episode opens on the children abusing the Quartermaster, whose suspended from a ceiling fan. David swiftly enters the room, attempting his usual discipline only to be questioned, and reveals it to be the fourth instance of the behavior just in the week. Gwen also shames the campers behavior. As such, David does away with Wednesdays in place of Quartermaster Appreciation Day... and Wednesday, directing the campers to find, or make, a gift that shows their love and admiration for the Quartermaster, leading the Quartermaster to quickly speak of betraying the camp.
David starts up having already gotten Quartermaster his gift: his last on-the-radar relative, the Quartersister. The campers show a mix of visible disgust and shock to the woman as she approaches the Quartermaster, only to engage in an argument. David holds the two apart asking Gwen what's happening, simply for her to be enamored with the situation.
After the theme song, which features the Quartermaster and Quartersister arguing in the background, a distraught David is reprimanded by Max, asking what he was thinking. David felt bringing the Quartersister around would be one of the best gifts he could offer, and is asked by Neil as to whether he did any checks on the two. Gwen become excited, wanting more-so to dig up info such as illegitimate children as opposed to anything to help. Max asks David to remind them how the two are related, getting an answer showing the Quartermaster and Quartersister to be likely inbred children. David draws the two away so as not to possibly scar the children, leaving them to find a gift for the Quartermaster. Upon general discourage and disinterest, Max suggests upon going into the Quartermaster's Dorm to see what the man owns, so they know what he wants.
David and Gwen are at the counselors' lounge, attempting to settle the issues between the Quartermaster and Quartersister. David is quickly stumped as the two start communications by spitting at one another, leaving Gwen to them. Gwen has a set of "tests" that are used by professionals(in this case really being Maury and Dr. Phil) and begins spouting off nonsense. Quartersister and Quartermaster begin squabbling like children, and when David is incapable of imitating the Quartermaster's speech, Quartersister admits the Quartermaster's way with words to be charming to her. Likewise when Gwen proves incapable of telling the Quartersister's gender, the Quartermaster admits her to be the finest beauty he ever laid eyes on. We learn the Quartermaster to be involved with a tontine(a financial game of sorts in which subscribers have a share that grows among them as individual subscribers die. The last standing subscriber gains the total sum of the tontine) and uses it as the only reason he never proposed marriage to the Quartersister. A baffled David is quickly shut out as the Quartermaster and Quartersister begin making-out.
The campers are shown looking at the Quartermaster's possessions, finding many weird things, such as "used" barbie dolls, puzzles made only of corner pieces, and "just hair". With no luck in comprehending the bizarre room, Max simply instructs the campers to take and re-gift the Quartermaster's own belongings to him. Neil lights the dolls on fire on the way out. David comes to Max for help, but the Quartersiblings do enough talking themselves, stumbling past the campers and David still making out.
The two are then seen at a picnic with mollusks as the campers and counselors are collectively off put and disgusted. Max quickly admits the situation as much worse than anything the camp had previously put up with. When seeing the Quartermaster seeming truly happy, David tries to find a silver lining, claiming himself to support the relationship should it really make the Quartermaster happy, but is quickly pulled back to reality when viewing it again. The Quartersiblings come over claiming to have news. David hopes it to be regret of recent choices, but in reality, the news is of the Quartersiblings' marriage. A disturbed Space Kid walks off as David shocked. As Max questions legal matters involved in an incestual marriage, the Quartermaster notices the campers with his things(not noticing them to actually be his own belongings), and the gifts are swiftly labeled as impromptu wedding gifts. The Quartermaster actually drops a tear of appreciation at the gifts, and David attempts to get the siblings apart to think about the marriage, though they brush him off, claiming they couldn't stop it if they wished, and didn't want to stop it anyhow.
The Quartersiblings go into the mess hall right as Neil's fire catches up, lighting the whole building up in flames. When David wonders if intervention is necessary, Max shows belief that nature is doing the job for them. A bright light emerges, blowing up the mess hall and Quartermaster's Dorm, leaving a burned foundation and an unscathed Quartermaster. When questioned where the Quartersister is, Quartermaster merely responds that he has no real idea, and when asked if she's dead, he retorts with an uncertainty as to whether she is or not. He walks off muttering two down one to go, and muttering about winning the tontine(implying he already probably killed someone and still has someone else aside from him to deal with), and Max begins ranting off about the Quartermaster's unnecessarily cryptic nature. Neil reprimands David not to fuck with family and walks off with Nikki and Gwen. The episode ends off on Max expressing hope for the Quartersister's death.
- The transcript for "Quartermaster Appreciation Day" may be edited here.
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- In the opening you can hear Quartermaster & Quartersister fighting in the background.
- Preston claims that no one dares to enter the Quartermaster's Dorm, yet in the episode "Cult Camp", both Gwen and, at the very least, Nikki go into the Quartermaster's Dorm, respectively finding money and taking grenades as baseballs.