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|“||Two down, one to go. Imma win that tontine, tell ya what.||”|
"Quartermaster" is the groundskeeper of Camp Campbell. He has been working there ever since David was a camper attending Camp Campbell himself. He is a mysterious old man who helps around with cooking the camp meals, preparing the necessary props for camp activities and drinks poisonous beverages as if it's water.
He has a thick gray mustache and hair, bushy dark gray eyebrows, and wears a tan and white hat, a dark olive green and brown jacket over a red flannel shirt, blue jeans and brown knee high boots. The most striking part of his appearance is his hooked hand. One of his eyes is always closed.
The Quartermaster is a bit of a mystery. He typically remains quiet, which sharply contrasts counselor David's upbeat demeanor. There seems to be no clear explanation as to why he actually works at the camp (since he mostly keeps to himself, and doesn't seem to particularly enjoy being around the kids). As demonstrated in the second episode, he has no qualms about killing animals, even if campers are present. In episode 5, he is revealed to be a "covert pervert". He warned Max and other campers of the dangers of going to Spooky Island with the intention of hiding the fact that he was having a private sex party there. He also appears to believe in superstition and prophecies, such as a prophecy concerning the gathering of dark magical spirits in the nearby volcano.
- In "Escape from Camp Campbell", he drinks a bottle of poison as if it was water during his break.
- In "Journey to Spooky Island", the Quartermaster had a (censored) dildo attached to where his hook usually is.
- He has a nipple piercing as revealed in the same episode.
- He took the throne from the Squirrel King and has declared himself the new ruler.
- In the episode "Cult Camp", he states that the Kool-Aid intended to kill the entire camp was "better in Jonestown." Referring to the 1978 Jonestown murder-suicide, which killed over 900 people. Jonestown, also known as the "People's Temple Agricultural Project", was a settlement of the People's Temple in Guyana, famous for the aforementioned mass suicide. His statement implies that the Quartermaster somehow survived the poisoning (probably due to some sort of dark magic), and returned to the United States before any investigation began.
- A common animation error made regarding the Quartermaster, is how his hook changes hands in episodes.
- In the episode "Quartermaster Appreciation Day", his cabin is revealed to have the following:
- A box full of "used" Barbie Dolls
- A box of fingernails
- A box of real nails
- Ziplock bags filled with hair labeled "just hair" and of Nikki's tuft of hair labeled "The Green One"
- A puzzle piece set that consists only of corner pieces
- Paint cans filled with vegetarian meat
- A trash can filled with sawdust labeled "Dusts"
- And a small satanic box that Space Kid finds that made him speak gibberish when he opened the box
- He apparently likes being suspended upside down from the ceiling fan,or at the very least, being abused by the children and or being tied up in the weirdest ways. As revealed in the same episode.
- And that if he were ever to betray everyone at the camp, he'd go for David first.
- The Quartermaster (and in extension, his sister) is by far the oldest character in series, having been in the position when David attended Camp Campbell when he was younger.
- He and the Quartersister can be heard squabbling in the intro on the same episode.
- Quartermaster is another character, aside from David, who is shown to be exceptionally good at playing the guitar as shown at the end of "The Order of the Sparrow."
- It is revealed that he and his sister both have all the possible STDs in existence and that there are no new ones for them to get.
- It is also revealed that he and his sister come from a long line of inbred children.
- The Quartermaster and the rest of his family members appear to take part in a tontine. And as of this episode, he has already killed off two of his family members, which includes Quartersister.
- It is revealed in "Space Camp Was a Hoax that his specialty is making mashed potatoes for the camp and would even go as far as to shed a tear if he ever witnesses any negative review on them.
- To see the full gallery, go to Quartermaster/Gallery.