Harrison: So, Nikki... was THIS your card?
Nikki: *gasps* Oh my gosh! How did you know?!
Harrison: The answer is simple. It's magic! Tada.
Nikki: Of course! It makes perfect sense!
Max: Hey, Space Kid, what's going on?
Space Kid: Harrison is doing MAGIC. He's incredible.
Neil: Pssh. "Magic". Come on, Space Kid, I expected better from you. There's no such thing as magic.
Nikki: Don't you say that, Neil! Just because YOU don't believe —
Harrison: It's okay, Nikki. Neil just doesn't want his mind freaked by my powers.
Neil: Sure, Harrison, that's it. It's certainly not because I believe in the fundamental laws of everything in existence, which goes against the slightest chance of magic even being possible.
Harrison: Then how do you explain... this?
Nikki: *gasps* I've got money ears!
Neil: Sleight of hand. The quarter's up your sleeve and the movement of your hand covers up the coin coming out.
Harrison: I guess that's one way to do it, but that certainly doesn't answer... *drum roll* how these rings link together so effortlessly!
Nikki: Yeah, Neil! 'Splain that!
Neil: Trick rings sold specifically for the purpose of that illusion. They're on Amazon for $12.95. Get rekt, Harrison. Why don't you do a real magic trick if you're so good?
Harrison: So, you want a real trick. Okay then, Neil. I'll perform the greatest trick of all! How about this?! Abracadabra!
Neil: Amazing, Harrison.
Max: Come on, Neil. Let's get the fuck —
Neil: Max? Are you okay?
Max: WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!
Nikki: Oh! You just got Abraca-OWNED, Max!
Harrison: Yes, and it would've been even better if it had happened to Neil as I intended, but you get the idea. Magic!
Max: I do NOT feel okay.
Neil: Whatever. It wasn't that cool.
Harrison: What's the matter, Neil? Did I freak your mind?
Neil: Please. That was lame. So I don't know how you did it, big deal. It's not like I'm gonna lose sleep over it.
- [ Camp Camp Song Song ]
Neil: Oh, good. You're awake!
Max: Neil? What are you...
Neil: I was just thinking about that trick that Harrison did yesterday. Not that I care about it, but I'm THIS close to figuring it out, and I just need to know, at what point did he surgically insert the handkerchief and rabbit into your stomach? Were you awake for it? Or did he put you under?!
Max: I... I don't want to talk about it.
Neil: Right, right. I mean no one wants to talk about it, it's just a stupid trick after all, but... what irks me is that the math just isn't there, you know?
Max: *coughs* Look, I don't know what happened. I just... I'm gonna go get some breakfast before this scars me for life.
Neil: Nah, yeah! No, that's fine. I'm about to figure it out anyway, even if I wanted to spend more time on it. Which I don't! Because I don't care!
Nikki: Amazing! Do it again, Harrison!
Harrison: Well, this isn't really how the trick is supposed to work...
Nikki: I don't care, this is awesome! The milk goes right through it! How?!
Harrison: That's kinda just like... normal physics.
Neil: Oooooh, NOW you're confined by the laws of physics? I thought it was... *gasp* MAGIC! Tada!
Harrison: Oh, Neil. Magic only works for those who believe in it. Like my new apprentice, Nikki, for example.
Nikki: Yeah! I believe! Cut me in half! I'll be fine! ...I'll be fine? I'll be fine!
Neil: Is he teaching you his tricks?
Nikki: Uh, yeah, he said he would. I wanted to learn Avada Kedavra, but he said it was forbidden or some junk. But I'm learning some serious stuff! Check it out. Pick a card.
Neil: Look, Nikki. You gotta get Harrison to teach you how to do that trick.
Nikki: But I thought you said it was dumb.
Neil: Forget what I said! I know he trusts you, and there's got to be something simple I'm missing.
Nikki: Okay, Neil. I got you, fam.
Neil: I don't know what that means, but thank you.
Neil: Hey, Max!
Max: Oh. Hey, Neil.
Neil: Can you believe that kid? How does Harrison have the gall to do something so hurtful, ya know?
Max: Yeah. It's kinda shitty. I feel —
Neil: It's like he doesn't even care how this affects ME!
Neil: Yeah! How can he be so selfish? Hey, you gonna eat that?
Neil: I'll figure it out, though. Just wait and see. So, how's your day going?
Max: *throws up bouquet of flowers* I, um... I'm gonna go sit in the shower for a while.
Neil: Bye, Max!
Nikki: Neil, I'm back! And I have some great news.
Neil: Nikki! Did he teach you the trick? Did he reveal his secret? Masked Magician style?
Nikki: No, but he did say that if I keep training, I could get a cool top hat like his!
Neil: NIKKI! You were supposed to get him to teach you.
Nikki: I know, but Harrison said that trick is only for a level-four magician. He also said it's easy to figure out if you're smart enough, anyway.
Neil: Excuse me?
Nikki: It's okay, Neil! I'm not smart enough either! We can be stupid together!
- *coffee cup cracks*
Neil: Well, if he thinks it's so easy, I guess we might as well TRY IT. YOU WANT TO LEARN MAGIC, NIKKI?
Nikki: Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Neil: Well, consider yourself MY apprentice now.
Nikki: I don't know, Neil. There's still so much I need to learn. I've got to reach level four, and I haven't even been sorted into a house yet.
Neil: Okay, fine. I hereby christen you level four as of this moment.
Nikki: Oooh. I feel all tingly.
Neil: Now focus! We're gonna do this trick. And we're gonna do it... with SCIENCE.
Harrison: ...And presto! Just like that, Ered's bad report cards disappear!
Ered: Right on, Harrison. I was just gonna throw 'em away, but that was way cooler.
Neil: Ladies and gentlemen! Your attention please! Prepare to be dazzled by the magic of... SCIENCE.
Crowd: *collective ooohing*
Harrison: What do you think you're doing?
Neil: Oh, nothing. Just proving that any idiot with half a brain can do that trick you pulled off yesterday.
Space Kid: Wait, are... are you calling yourself an idiot, Neil?
Neil: SHUT UP SPACE KID. I'm trying to prove a point!
Space Kid: Yeah, okay!
Neil: You see, fellow campers, Harrison has been lying to you.
Neil: He would have you believe that things like magic really do exist, but we know that's not true! Magic goes against the very laws of nature. Everything can be explained by SCIENCE. Even his tricks! So, to prove him wrong, I am going to re-create his magic trick.
Crowd: Ooh! Ah!
Harrison: Neil, don't do this! You're not properly trained in the ways of magic!
Neil: YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, HARRISON. Someone has to keep order in this chaotic, uncertain world, and it's gonna be me.
Nikki: Neil, are you sure about this?
Neil: I believe in the science, Nikki. That's all the certainty I need. In order to begin the trick, I would ask my assistant to please open her mouth.
Nikki: You got it, boss! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... *continues in the background*
Neil: Now, look and be amazed, as I revel the truth using my scientific equation, which shows there is only one way something like this is physically possible.
Nikki: ...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... *gags*
Dolph: Oh my God! Science has gone too far!
Harrison: Neil, what are you doing?
Neil: YOU MADE ME DO THIS, HARRISON.
Ered: Somebody stop him.
Harrison: It's too late. His mind has been freaked too hard.
Preston: Where are the counselors?!
Bob Ross: Shoot, why don't we just put a happy little tree right here? There.
Gwen: Wow, this is so relaxing.
David: I feel like we were supposed to be doing something.
Bob Ross: If you ever paint along with us at home —
Harrison: Neil, this isn't how the trick works! You're going to kill her!
Neil: The only thing I'm killing is your hocus-pocus bullshit, Harrison! Here comes the rabbit, Nikki.
Neil: Well, how do ya feel?
Nikki: Huh. To be honest, I feel pretty good — *starts dying*
Neil: Uh... Nikki? What do we do, what do we do?! I can't do the Heimlich, I'm not certified!
Harrison: I can help her. I know a spell that will —
Neil: NO! NO MAGIC. We're going to save her with SCIENCE. As soon as I figure out how.
Harrison: There's no time! We have to use the spell! But... it is powered by belief, Neil. It's like a spirit bomb.
Dolph: Neil! You must believe!
Ered: Yeah, Neil. Believe in the magic.
Nurf: Believe or I'll punch you!
Neil: Max! What do I do?!
Max: *vomits a bird* I think I'm gonna be sick.
Harrison: Neil, just believe!
Neil: Fine, yes! I believe. I believe in magic! Just do it!
Harrison: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the greatest trick of all. Getting a cynical, closed-minded asshole to believe in magic!
Neil: B-but what about Nikki?
Nikki: Tada! Magic!
Neil: *yells* But... how? How are you okay, Nikki?!
Harrison: I keep telling you, Neil. It's magic, silly! Boop!
Neil: Fuck you, Harrison.