|“||Now you girls are gonna sell Skinny Minties, Lemon Lillies and Coconut Cream Candy Tuffs until every last loser in Sleepy Peak has diabetes!||”|
|“||The Flower Scouts' cookie sale is not going well, and if the girls are gonna win an all-expense paid trip to Cabo, they're gonna have to do some actual work. Ugh, the worst. So they try spicing up their cookies with a secret ingredient!||”|
It's the first day of the Flowerscout cookie sales, and troop #789 is planning on selling the most cookies in the country. Their 'Garden Mother,' Miss Priss, refuses to let apparent-garden-mother-rival, Suzie Mendez, make her look bad. Their desire to win is only exasperated by the fact that this year, the Flowerscout Organization has included a trip to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, as the grand prize for the troop that sells the most cookies.
The Woodscouts approach Erin, Tabii, and Sasha, and offer them the last box of Woodscouts' popcorn. Edward Pikeman informs them that they just sold 99% of their popcorn supply, due to moving their sales a month earlier (as suggested by Gwen in "Gwen Gets a Job"). After the boys' departure, the Flowerscouts complain about possibly not being able to sell enough cookies to win the trip to Cab to which Miss Priss explains that they must sell their cookies "by any means necessary."
The Flowerscouts try to make sales outside a General Store in Sleepy Peak, but are unable to sell a single box. Miss Priss comes out of the store, asking them to keep it down to avoid worsening her "wine headache." Sasha and Erin ask her what they should do. While giving advice, Miss Priss sprinkles the contents of a pill from her purse into her soda. When the girls question her, she tells them that the substance is Desoxyn and is actually the Spanish word for sugar. The girls ask her for it, and she tells them that they can't have it, as she gets it from her "sugar daddy," so it's very expensive. The Flowerscounts interpret her comment as the substance in Miss Priss' possession is actually the newest food craze: Mexican cane sugar.
Miss Priss then hits her high, and goes off to Muffin Tops, leaving the girls to themselves. Hoping that adding the "cane sugar" to their cookies will be just the ticket to win the trip to Mexico, Erin suggests that they steal the Desoxyn from Miss Priss' purse when she isn't looking. They hide under a trench coat to buy merlot from the liquor store putting their plan into action.
After meeting 'Dirty Kevin' in an alleyway in town, the Flowerscouts tell him they want 'cane sugar,' to which he explains that he doesn't sell to minors. Tabii opens a case full of money, and Kevin agrees to help them out, providing them with more Desoxyn and later bags of crystal methamphetamine. Erin supervises cookies getting loaded into a truck, and Tabii keeps other sellers away from their part of the town.
The popularity of the 'cane sugar' cookies eventually catches the attention of the Mexican drug cartel, the head of which is Rafael Guzman. Upon being summoned, the girls head to Rafael's mansion in Mexico. Erin rings the doorbell, and they're greeted by two of the cartel members. The girls are escorted inside.
In Rafael's office, he turns around in his chair and is surprised to see that the Flowerscouts are young girls. After calling them foolish for visiting him. Rafael asks his bodyguards what the girls are talking about when they say he should be thanking them, and Sasha signals for Erin and Tabii to attack. They throw sharpened cookies (which are reminiscent of shuriken), which hit the bodyguards in the head, killing them. Rafael calls for backup, and the other cartel members burst into the room, only to see the Flowerscouts with guns.
Sasha holds her Glock up to Rafael's head, asking if he really wants to mess with them, or if he'd rather buy cookies. Rafael hurriedly answers that he'll buy all of their cookies, and the cartel members hold up their money, agreeing. Erin excitedly tells the other girls that they now have enough money to go to Cabo, and Rafael confusedly tells them that they're already there. The girls point their guns at him again. Rafael explains that Cabo San Lucas is a city in Mexico, and is where he lives.
Erin, Sasha, and Tabii throw out their cookies, declaring the sales a complete waste of time before Max, Nikki, and Neil crash through the roof of the building in an airplane. Max tells Nikki that he said to pull up, and Tabii excitedly waves to Neil. Erin and Sasha drag her away.
Flowerscouts: Good morning, Ms. Priss!
Miss Priss: Now, who can tell me what starts today?
Flowerscouts: Flowerscout Cookie Sales!
Miss Priss: Yaaaaas! And which troop is going to sell the most?
Flowerscouts: Troop #789!
Miss Priss: Alriiiiight! And why are we going to do it?
Flowerscouts: Because you'd rather die than let that bitch Susie Mendez...
...make you look bad in front of the other Garden Mothers!
Miss Priss: Exactly...
... and, as your Garden Mother,
I'm excited to tell you that this year...
the Flowerscouts organization...
has included a grand prize for the troop that sells the most cookies in the country:
An all-expense paid trip to Cabo!
Erin: I heard Cabo has like, the best beaches.
Tabii: Miss Priss, are you for serious?
Miss Priss: Interrupting is rude and ugly.
Erin, Sasha & Tabii: Sorry.
Priss: Now you girls are gonna sell skinny minties, lemon lilies and coconut cream candy tuffs!
Until every last loser in Sleepy Peak has diabetes!
I need that vacation.
Pikeman: Good luck with that, ladies.
Sasha: EW! It's the Woodscouts.
Erin: What do YOU losers want?
Pikeman: We merely wanted to offer you the last box of Woodscouts' Popcorn.
Sasha: Nobody likes your shitty caramel corn, Woodscouts. Get lost!
Pikeman: Oh, but I beg to differ.
In fact, we just sold 99% of our popcorn supply to the good people of Sleepy Peak.
Miss Priss: You did WHAT?!
Pikeman: You annoying girls beat us to the punch every year with your cookies.
So, we decided to rearrange our sales schedule.
Billy: No one's gonna want cookies when they're already filled up on...
Jeremy: [laughing nasally]
Pikeman: Jermy! I told you to stay in the van!
Jermy: You forgot to crack the window.
Pikeman: I didn't forget anything!
Come on boys.
Let's leave the little ladies to their humiliating defeat.
Jermy: But really, you're going to want to roll down the window.
Pikeman: God, I hate you.
Sasha: Ugh! I can't even with them!
Erin: What about Caboooooooo?
Tabii: What are we gonna do?
Miss Priss: Ladies... you're gonna get out there, and sell some cookies.
By any means necessary! [foreboding music]
[ Opening – "Camp Camp Song Song" ]
Sasha: Flowerscout Cookies!
Flowerscout cookie sales!
We've got your Flowerscout...?
Oh, for FUCK'S sake!
Erin: Sasha, calm down, Stress causes wrinkles.
Sasha: This is bullshit, Erin!
Since when do we have to work to sell cookies?
As long as I'm cute and beautiful, people should give me what I want!
Tabii: Maybe everyone did fill up on popcorn.
Sasha: Or maybe they're all freaked out by your disgusting eyepatch, Tabii!
Tabii: I'm a monster!
[door chime ringing]
Miss Priss: Keep it down, girls. Garden Mommy has a wine headache.
Sasha: Ms. Priss, this isn't working.
Erin: What should we dooo?
Tabii: I'm gonna eat my feelings. [chomp]
Miss Priss: Girls, you can't survive in this world on good looks alone.
[gasps and retches]
Miss Priss: I'm just saying that sometimes you have to do some extra work to make things better.
Things like my face...or my breakfast.
Erin: Maybe she's right. Maybe if we just work a little harder...
...we can better ourselves and achieve our goals.
Sasha: Erin, I know Ms. Priss is the ideal role model...
...but you sound really stupid right now.
Tabii: Yeah, idiot.
Erin: You're right, I'm sorry.
Sasha: We're not the problem. Obviously, it's these hella-lame cookies.
They haven't changed since, like...the '90s.
We just have to somehow make them better.
Miss Priss: *whisper* Oh, that's better.
Tabii: What's that, Miss Priss?
Miss Priss: Desoxyn.
Erin: What's Desoxyn?
Miss Priss: Um...
It's Spanish for...Sugar!
Tabii: Like Mexican cane sugar?
Erin: Mexican cane sugar is totes super popular right now.
Sasha: That's right!
No one wants that nasty corn syrup stuff...
... when they can have organic sugar from an exotic third world country.
Sasha: Ms. Priss, can we have your sugar?
Miss Priss: Oh, oh. Heavens, no!
Girls! Ms. Priss gets her sugars special from her sugar daddy. It's very expensive.
Sasha: But we need-
Miss Priss: B-b-b-b-b-but!
Sell cookies for Cabo, girls!
Penelope's going to Muffin Tops and riding out breakfast!
(off-screen) I was in beauty pageants!
Tabii: We need that sugar.
Sasha: Uggh! I can't believe we have to work!
Erin: We just have to find a way to get Ms. Priss away from her purse.
Sasha: But how?
Sasha: One box of wine, please!
[loud snoring noises]
Tabii: Good thinking with the mer-lot, Erin.
Erin: It's pronounced "mer-loh-t". Learn French, Tabii. Jesus.
Sasha: Eyes on the prize girls!
Sasha: All right, girls. It's time to sell some....
Trucker Hat: Oh, no, thank you.
Erin: It's a brand new formula.
Tabii: Baked fresh with real Mexican cane sugar!
Sasha: Smell that organic goodness!
Trucker Hat: I'm-
Sasha: SMELL IT!
Trucker Hat: *sniffs* Um, yes, they smell very...
Oh, very good! I'll take 20!
I fucking love these cookies, yeah!
I think we might need to make more cookies.
Tabii: Now what are we supposed to do?
Erin: We can't sell a troop's worth of cookies without more cane sugar.
Sasha: Ugggh, this is so annoying!
I guess now we have to track down Ms. Priss' sugar daddy.
Tabii: But how?
[even more loud snoring]
Sasha: One cellphone, please!
Dirty Kevin: *gasp* I-I'm just holding for a friend!
Sasha: Calm down, Sugar Daddy.
Dirty Kevin: Penny, is that you?
Sasha: Ms. Priss couldn't make it. You're dealing with us now.
Dirty Kevin: H-heh, little girls, I ain't interested in buying nothing.
Sasha: Well, we are!
Erin: Mexican cane sugar.
Tabii: The good shit.
Dirty Kevin: Oh, right. "Cane sugar".
Look, Dirty Kevin don't sell to no kids.
Sasha: You do now.
Tabii: So, do you know how to bake?
Sasha: *groan* Not good enough.
Ugh! Can't this go any faster?
Tabii: Stay - off - our - turf!
Guzman: What do you mean, "we're losing business"?
We're the goddamn Mexican drug cartels!
Who are we losing business to?
Blue-Shirt Cartel: Well, Mr. Guzman, our people are calling them: "Las Diablitas".
Dirty Kevin: Uh, boss, we got a problem!
Sasha: UGGGGH! What is it now?
Dirty Kevin: Well, it seems this whole cookie operation has upset some powerful people...
...south of the border.
Tabii: Like, in Mexico? Ew!
Erin: Can we just build a wall around that place already?
Dirty Kevin: The Cartels ain't too happy about our, uh, "sugar sales".
They want to meet face to face.
What should I tell them?
Tabii: I didn't even know Mexico had rich people.
Erin: It's probably fake. They do the same thing when Americans go to North Korea.
Tabii: You're so a smart, Erin!
Sasha: Let's wrap this up so we can get out of this hella-gross country.
I swear if one more street boy tries to sell me gum. I'm gonna flip.
Sasha: Um, buenos dias.
We're here to see Señor Gooz-man.
Purple-shirt Cartel: Uh, L-Las Diablitas?
Tabii: Hey! Que! The hell, did you just say to me?
Red-shirt Cartel: Las Diablitas.
[Loud door shutting noise]
Guzman: So, you three are the ones who have been causing us such trouble.
It was foolish of you to come...
---what the hell?
Tabii: Hold up!
Are you saying that... I'm stupid?!
Guzman: Someone get this monster away from me. Her eyepatch is freaking me out!
Sasha: Tabii, down!
[quiet dog-like growl]
Listen up, amigos. We don't know what your beef is with our sales.
Erin: If anything, you should be thanking us for supporting the economy of your gross-ass country.
Guzman: What is she talking about?
Sasha: HIT EM'!
Sasha: Now, I'm going to ask all of you losers this once and only once!
You really want to fuck with these bitches?
Or would you like to buy some cookies?
Guzman: We will buy!
We will buy all of them! Right?!
Cartel Members: ¡Sí, sí, sí! Cartel Members: ¡Sí, sí, sí!
Sasha: Thaaaank yooooou.
Ugh! this has been the worst cookie year ever!
Erin: But on the bright side. We should finally have enough money to go to Cabo!
Erin, Sasha, Tabii: CABO!
Guzman: But...you're already in Cabo.
Sasha: What did you say?
Guzman: I-I said you're already in Cabo!
Tabii: Uhhh... no! This is Mexico!
Guzman: ¡Sí, sí! Cabo San Lucas. This is where I live.
Erin: Wait, Cabo is a city IN Mexico?
Sasha: Waste. Of. Time!
Tabii: Ugh, I can't believe we were trying to win a vacation to gross-ass Mexico.
[LOUD TRASH LID SLAM]
Priss: Buh! Keep it down, girls. Garden Mommy has a wine headache.
Erin: Do you guys think there's anything to be like learned from all this?
[LOUD CRASH FROM CEILING]
Max: Damn it, Nikki. I told you to pull up!
Sasha: Yeah. Thank God we live normal lives, unlike those losers.
- To see the full gallery, go to Cookin' Cookies/Gallery.
- Two references to the TV show, Breaking Bad, are made.
- When Erin suggests that they should just build a wall around Mexico, she was referencing Donald Trump.
- Dirty Kevin is possibly based off of a drug dealer that Michael Jones, Max's voice actor, met during his time in New York .
- This is the first episode wherein none of the Camp Campbell campers and or staff had a major role. Having the episode focus on the Flowerscouts and not Camp Campbell in general.
- This is also the first episode to have the setting not be in Camp Campbell or in North America in general, the two other countries involved in the episodes being Mexico and Egypt (offscreen), respectively.
- With the Flowerscout trio having traveled to Mexico in order for their appointed meeting with Mr. Guzman and with the Camp Camp trio having traveled to Egypt on some bizarre adventure and returning to North America at about the same time as the Flowerscouts did, near the end of the episode.